he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
