i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
