Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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