she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
