I am puke
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
