Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Buhtt sex?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
