i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
