i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
