i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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