Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
