Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
