Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
