apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
