with your own penis?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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