I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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