You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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