yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
