woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
