Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
