i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
