Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
