my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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