totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
