It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
