You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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