I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
