Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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