So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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