just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
