We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
