As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
