i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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