O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
