Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
