Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
