remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
