You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
