When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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