yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
50% drunk capacity currently
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
