It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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