Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
