You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
