you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
