Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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