Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
