I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
