saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
