dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
