I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
