so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i believe in u and ur pee
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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